2 year hiatus

Hello, Well, I suppose it is time that I post again. I would love to create a blog to keep track of all the awesome websites I find and discoveries on my way to completing college and moving to chicago next summer. There is so much to see and learn about.. I know I won't be able to do it justice capturing images and discussing it.. but it is a starting point. I look forward to the changes coming in my life the next year! xoxo, Ali

day numero nine.

so, it's been nine days and quite frankly I am pretty proud of myself. nine whole days of no pop, which is freaking amazing for me. I've never went this long without pop, so it's a huge accomplishment for myself. I have been slacking a little bit on my eating, but it's still WAY better than before. After tomorrow, I need to get back on track though..go to the grocery store and buy some more items .. well unthaw some of what's in my fridge, I have a lot of frozen hamburger I need to do something with.

well, this isn't really diet/lifestyle change related.. perhaps somewhat lifestyle change but I have an issue right now with someone and then something fantastic has also happened. We will start with the positive side...

The person I had been best friends with since I was five, well we had got into it back freshman year of college and things just completely spiraled out of control and we completely stopped talking.. well despite the unfortunate event that had to happen.. i heard from her a couple weeks ago. Then tonight I was at the washington vs. b-r game, and her and another old friend showed up behind me in the bleachers and we talked for a good while. I've honestly always been so good about holding grudges and I enjoyed it.. I got a thrill out of acting a certain way.. which I can't say I am ashamed of.. because I get why I did it. Now when I come to a difficult social decision in my life, I stop and think. I think okay here are my options .. is it really worth it to act the way that maybe the person deserves or should I act a way that won't create drama and that won't create waves for myself? Lately, I have been doing the more responsible thing. Sure, it's very tempting to want to tell someone what I really think, but is it worth it? And at what cost? By no means do I want to get walked all over on.. but I am just trying to be more understanding.

As for the person that I am having an issue with, I am just so torn on how to act on the issue. We have had some run ins on this subject before but I thought we had dealt with it and it was a nonissue.. of course to my complete and total surprise, it's not. I just don't understand how a person who is supposed to be your "friend" could sit and lie to you and take things from you? I guess that means they're not a friend at all or need help finding their way back to what's good in life... either way, it puts me in a difficult situation.. one I am just really torn about.

another positive note, i really enjoyed running into some old friends at the game tonight...which is weird that I would say that. I feel like I have always been kind of anti social, but after freshman year of college, I just stopped having friends that I really hung out with and did things with on a regular basis.. It has been nice having my free time, but it is honestly kind of lonely. I don't miss high school at all, but I miss that structure and seeing my friends everyday.. it was that feeling of belonging to something.. I just kind of feel like I lost that.. I have lost a lot of things in my life and I'm just not sure how to go about fixing it. Part of me doesn't even want to fix it.. because that would require having to put effort into getting ready and making plans and I just don't know if I am up to that. I enjoy not having to make plans and getting my alone time.

Eh, too many decisions. at least they're not going anywhere anytime soon.. which is fine by me.

I'm just going to enjoy my thanksgiving tomorrow and then start cracking down on the homework on friday. i need to get a lot done here this weekend. i am a procrastinator times a trillion.. that or i get a thrill out of making myself squirm under pressure.. could be that enjoyment thing i still occasionally let come out.

oh and on a side note.. the coolest thing ever that i discovered is spotify. it's free and has a ton of music. i absolutely love it. i just started using it, but it's definitely cool having all of the music i want to listen to handy in one big database.. it's great to be able to find any band and listen to any song for free. i'm definitely a fan of this program.

well, i best get to bed. i never post this much.. but I guess i had a lot on my mind. i'll end this post with what i'm thankful for ...

i'm thankful for my amazing family, who are ALWAYS there for me..
my friends, who are and always have been better individuals than I will ever be..
my boyfriend, who i love when he's almost perfect and when he's just making me go ughhhhh! lol
my princess, because she is and will always be the bestest friend i could ask for.
and time for bed .. ill finish later on my what im thankful for!
xoxo, ali kate

day 8.

still no pop.
unless you count sunday, which i had half of a sprite for an upset stomach.
still avoiding pop and bread.
surprisingly the pop is easier to avoid.
going to have to enjoy thanksgiving lunch though.
it's a must.

day three.

so i'm very proud of myself .. NO POP for the third day now!! WOOHOO! The biggest difficulty I am having is simply just will power.. trying not to go for the pop because I think it will make me feel better and give me more energy, but honestly..if I drank some now I think it would taste like a ton of sugar. I have been drinking water and sugar free lemonade. I have not been super strict with the diet.. but I have completely cut out bread and 99% of carbs. Between the two, that has to do something? I bought a new scale the other day.. it's a nice digital one. My weight has not really changed, but I guess I am just getting antsy. I need to cook the rest of my food I bought from this week.. I have a lot. I have been so tired though since I started changing my eating.. but I need to pull through. Well, I am going to get ready for bed.. I am pretty tired. Tomorrow I will make me something for lunch, study, go to class and take my test, make dinner, then get ready to spend the evening at the library. Fingers crossed I keep avoiding pop.. I would be super proud of myself! Just a day at a time ... oh and btw, I am SO craving homemade chocolate chip cookies. YUM! Well, I can splurge for thanksgiving :) xoxo

day two.

well it's the end of day two of atkins. i am probably not following it to a T like I should but I can say I've not had any pop, which is huge for me! I have always avoided starches- bread, et cetera which is another positive thing. I am probably going to achieve my goal slowly, but I am still trying. I haven't weighed in since my last post. I just bought a digital scale tonight though that will in .2 increments.

The thing is.. I have never struggled with my weight until after I came to college and no I did not do anything about it right away, but I am aware of it and I have made efforts to try to correct it.. but honestly, i don't know if he thinks he is helping or if it's a joke to him, but making comments about my weight is not something that is helpful. It hurts. Part of me wants to scream eff you and the other part just wants to cry. I don't understand how a person who says they love you can sit there and say things to do you like that? I get constructive criticism, but not downright rudeness. I really don't feel like tolerating it.. but what do you do? If I say anything, it makes me look like I'm being whiney.. but If i don't say anything then I am bothered by it.. it's just hard to know what to do. I guess I am just disappointed.

fresh start. fresh plan.

It's been awhile since I've posted and a lot of things have happened since then, but I just want to start fresh. On Monday, I am starting the Atkins lifestyle. I know many people do not find Atkins to be healthy, but my doctor assures us that it is and even in the long run. With that being said, I am going to use my blog to talk about how I am doing in the weight loss department and just anything and everything. I have high hopes that things will turn out for the better. With that being said, I need to do my measurements and write those down. Currently, I am weighing in at 188.8. My final goal weight is 145 lbs.

Goals

-175lbs
-165lbs
-Fit back into Medium t-shirts
-155lbs
-150lbs
-145lbs
-no muffin top in the jeans!

Here goes nothing ...

Wow, talk about lack of posting! Not that anyone reads this, lol

Okay, so lack of posting.. no excuse I know but I have had a really rough semester. I am not really into blogging all that much.. at least I haven't really been this semester, not sure why. With that being said, I will write a little update here. Haven't reached the weight goal, or even really tapped into it. I have had a really rough semester and I am just happy I am getting back on track. With a change of medicine and a little bit better sleep schedule, seeing Trevor, going to Florida with mom, and going to counseling weekly/every other.. it's helped tremendously. Sadly though, i haven't been home since February and here it is April. Weird right? It just seems like there is always something every weekend and for a good while I was just honestly too exhausted.

I really feel like things are on the mend in my life. Counseling has honestly done a lot for me, which I never thought I would say. I have only been probably five times, but I really like my counselor. He is great and specializes in trauma. Although I am not going to go into details, my next session we are going to start on learning how to get past what happened and work towards my goal, which is to forgive. It's what I feel is necessary to be able to focus on the next part of my life. I have been learning a lot with each session, mostly about myself. It has been really interesting to learn about myself though. I honestly can say there were a lot of things that I was not aware of that I did and the way I think. Scott, my counselor, would be proud of me I am crying right now, listening to George Strait, and I don't feel bad about it..or ashamed. He tells me that it is sad that I feel that I cannot cry without me being upset from something previously. I am working on that, but it is definitely a struggle for me. He has given me a lot of reading about one's critical self. Next session, he is giving me more reading on how I am going to go through the next process of my counseling, which I am interested to see.

Subject jumping. Macbook pro fell off my lofted bed while I was sleeping.. $380 in damage, thank youuu genuis bar and applecare for a freebie though :) And finally got back in the technology world and got me an iPhone 4, so far I love! I have been syncing it with my laptop and it's so handy, and been making ringtones on Garage Band. It is definitely helpful to have both apple products. I will never go back to having something different that's for sure!

It was great to see Trevor over spring break, but we kind of fought some and I was upset half of the time. I mentioned that during counseling and got some insight on that, which was helpful. We also learned what we both needed to work on, which was helpful. I didn't even want to be upset when I was there, which is really frustrating that I was. Everything is great now though.. I honestly feel like things get better everyday. Trevor is fantastic and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. It's weird sometimes to think that I care so much about a person that I have been apart from majority of the time.. but he is still there for me. He may not always know the right things to say or what to do, but for some reason I just feel ten times better that he tries. I am very thankful. I couldn't ask for someone better. I am already counting down the days until I see him again, almost 42 days actually! Need to work on getting travel arrangements again. I decided to see him in May instead of June so I can spend more time with Mom since she will be off in June and to see Lindsey and Miss Emma play ball. Plus, I am getting super antsy and want to see my boy..especially with things being just better and more stable in my life now.

Okay, I don't know why I am typing still.. I got on a roll I guess, lol. I am going to shower I guess, it's shower night.. ha. then going to come back and watch me some army wives and hop in bed and chillax! Trevor disappeared, so guess not talking to him. He frustrates me greatly sometimes lol.

-Ali Kate