so the rest of the week did not go ANY better. i went to one class, which was on tuesday and that is only because i had to turn in my paper, then i went back to my dorm to grab a snack and freshen up since i was up until 4:30 am writing the paper.. then went to work. after that i pretty much laid in bed all day wednesday and thursday. So one class, one work hour ... talk about blowing off this week. I had absolutely zero motivation to leave the dorm, i do not want to be at school anymore, I am tired of it. I am burnt out. I am exhausted. I am frustrated. I am all of these emotions and I just need a break. I came home again this weekend..two weekends in a row. I, of course, would come home next weekend but have some events for LAE going on..and then it's going to be finals week, thankfully... so kind of bittersweet.
i told trevor i was mad at him earlier today.. because i don't keep anything from him and i was just having a moment of weakness.. i was crying on the way home thinking how unhappy i am right now and how it wouldn't have been that way if we wouldn't have moved.. but then again for all i know, maybe something would've happened here that would've made me unhappy.. i honestly don't know. and i love seeing his face and talking to him on skype, but honestly..it leaves me even more empty and sad after we get done talking. And he knows this and was like well, maybe we shouldnt talk anymore? And being the train wreck I currently am, I automatically thought he meant in general, as in a break up, and started to cry.. of course he caught on real quick how i took that statement. he needed to go to bed since he is on call 7 days a week, but after he saw i was upset.. and even though i was like go to bed, it's fine.. he told me no, that he wanted to talk to me...which i love about him. He never just lets it go, he can tell when i'm upset and doesn't ever leave us being on bad terms when we are done talking.
I really wish I knew what the answer is. I know if God wanted me to know what the answer was, he would be telling me somehow, someway. But, in the meantime...I am just wanting my space from everyone. I want to be with the people I love, my family. And Jillian has been great too, I couldn't ask for a better person to share a little jail cell with. She probably wants to slap me sometimes for my stupidity, excessive use of the word trevor, and quirky habits..but hey, where would her comic show come from if i wasn't making an idiot out of myself 24/7? lol She informed me that if I had a comic show that she would watch it, lol, then again I might need an audience bigger than one! ha.
Well, I wrote more than I meant to.. but I am going to put a tv show or movie on, maybe grab a drink and relax.. kind of tired, so probably fall asleep soon..but doubtful since for some odd reason I can never sleep when i am at home.. might have to get out the excedrin pm, for all the crying i do it's no wonder i have such a headache all the time. YAY for being with my amazing sister tomorrow, vegging out, putting up christmas, writing my courts paper, which i could do without that!, and watching a few movies, going the distance included.
my theme song from now until... well when i decide i don't need it anymore...
"space" by something corporate.
<3 ali kate.
Oh, and it's official.
I love my trevor.
My trevor loves me.
Yes, he dropped the L-bomb :)
About damn time, right?? haha.
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