so, it's been nine days and quite frankly I am pretty proud of myself. nine whole days of no pop, which is freaking amazing for me. I've never went this long without pop, so it's a huge accomplishment for myself. I have been slacking a little bit on my eating, but it's still WAY better than before. After tomorrow, I need to get back on track though..go to the grocery store and buy some more items .. well unthaw some of what's in my fridge, I have a lot of frozen hamburger I need to do something with.
well, this isn't really diet/lifestyle change related.. perhaps somewhat lifestyle change but I have an issue right now with someone and then something fantastic has also happened. We will start with the positive side...
The person I had been best friends with since I was five, well we had got into it back freshman year of college and things just completely spiraled out of control and we completely stopped talking.. well despite the unfortunate event that had to happen.. i heard from her a couple weeks ago. Then tonight I was at the washington vs. b-r game, and her and another old friend showed up behind me in the bleachers and we talked for a good while. I've honestly always been so good about holding grudges and I enjoyed it.. I got a thrill out of acting a certain way.. which I can't say I am ashamed of.. because I get why I did it. Now when I come to a difficult social decision in my life, I stop and think. I think okay here are my options .. is it really worth it to act the way that maybe the person deserves or should I act a way that won't create drama and that won't create waves for myself? Lately, I have been doing the more responsible thing. Sure, it's very tempting to want to tell someone what I really think, but is it worth it? And at what cost? By no means do I want to get walked all over on.. but I am just trying to be more understanding.
As for the person that I am having an issue with, I am just so torn on how to act on the issue. We have had some run ins on this subject before but I thought we had dealt with it and it was a nonissue.. of course to my complete and total surprise, it's not. I just don't understand how a person who is supposed to be your "friend" could sit and lie to you and take things from you? I guess that means they're not a friend at all or need help finding their way back to what's good in life... either way, it puts me in a difficult situation.. one I am just really torn about.
another positive note, i really enjoyed running into some old friends at the game tonight...which is weird that I would say that. I feel like I have always been kind of anti social, but after freshman year of college, I just stopped having friends that I really hung out with and did things with on a regular basis.. It has been nice having my free time, but it is honestly kind of lonely. I don't miss high school at all, but I miss that structure and seeing my friends everyday.. it was that feeling of belonging to something.. I just kind of feel like I lost that.. I have lost a lot of things in my life and I'm just not sure how to go about fixing it. Part of me doesn't even want to fix it.. because that would require having to put effort into getting ready and making plans and I just don't know if I am up to that. I enjoy not having to make plans and getting my alone time.
Eh, too many decisions. at least they're not going anywhere anytime soon.. which is fine by me.
I'm just going to enjoy my thanksgiving tomorrow and then start cracking down on the homework on friday. i need to get a lot done here this weekend. i am a procrastinator times a trillion.. that or i get a thrill out of making myself squirm under pressure.. could be that enjoyment thing i still occasionally let come out.
oh and on a side note.. the coolest thing ever that i discovered is spotify. it's free and has a ton of music. i absolutely love it. i just started using it, but it's definitely cool having all of the music i want to listen to handy in one big database.. it's great to be able to find any band and listen to any song for free. i'm definitely a fan of this program.
well, i best get to bed. i never post this much.. but I guess i had a lot on my mind. i'll end this post with what i'm thankful for ...
i'm thankful for my amazing family, who are ALWAYS there for me..
my friends, who are and always have been better individuals than I will ever be..
my boyfriend, who i love when he's almost perfect and when he's just making me go ughhhhh! lol
my princess, because she is and will always be the bestest friend i could ask for.
and time for bed .. ill finish later on my what im thankful for!
xoxo, ali kate
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