Wednesday, November 23, 2011

day numero nine.

so, it's been nine days and quite frankly I am pretty proud of myself. nine whole days of no pop, which is freaking amazing for me. I've never went this long without pop, so it's a huge accomplishment for myself. I have been slacking a little bit on my eating, but it's still WAY better than before. After tomorrow, I need to get back on track though..go to the grocery store and buy some more items .. well unthaw some of what's in my fridge, I have a lot of frozen hamburger I need to do something with.

well, this isn't really diet/lifestyle change related.. perhaps somewhat lifestyle change but I have an issue right now with someone and then something fantastic has also happened. We will start with the positive side...

The person I had been best friends with since I was five, well we had got into it back freshman year of college and things just completely spiraled out of control and we completely stopped talking.. well despite the unfortunate event that had to happen.. i heard from her a couple weeks ago. Then tonight I was at the washington vs. b-r game, and her and another old friend showed up behind me in the bleachers and we talked for a good while. I've honestly always been so good about holding grudges and I enjoyed it.. I got a thrill out of acting a certain way.. which I can't say I am ashamed of.. because I get why I did it. Now when I come to a difficult social decision in my life, I stop and think. I think okay here are my options .. is it really worth it to act the way that maybe the person deserves or should I act a way that won't create drama and that won't create waves for myself? Lately, I have been doing the more responsible thing. Sure, it's very tempting to want to tell someone what I really think, but is it worth it? And at what cost? By no means do I want to get walked all over on.. but I am just trying to be more understanding.

As for the person that I am having an issue with, I am just so torn on how to act on the issue. We have had some run ins on this subject before but I thought we had dealt with it and it was a nonissue.. of course to my complete and total surprise, it's not. I just don't understand how a person who is supposed to be your "friend" could sit and lie to you and take things from you? I guess that means they're not a friend at all or need help finding their way back to what's good in life... either way, it puts me in a difficult situation.. one I am just really torn about.

another positive note, i really enjoyed running into some old friends at the game tonight...which is weird that I would say that. I feel like I have always been kind of anti social, but after freshman year of college, I just stopped having friends that I really hung out with and did things with on a regular basis.. It has been nice having my free time, but it is honestly kind of lonely. I don't miss high school at all, but I miss that structure and seeing my friends everyday.. it was that feeling of belonging to something.. I just kind of feel like I lost that.. I have lost a lot of things in my life and I'm just not sure how to go about fixing it. Part of me doesn't even want to fix it.. because that would require having to put effort into getting ready and making plans and I just don't know if I am up to that. I enjoy not having to make plans and getting my alone time.

Eh, too many decisions. at least they're not going anywhere anytime soon.. which is fine by me.

I'm just going to enjoy my thanksgiving tomorrow and then start cracking down on the homework on friday. i need to get a lot done here this weekend. i am a procrastinator times a trillion.. that or i get a thrill out of making myself squirm under pressure.. could be that enjoyment thing i still occasionally let come out.

oh and on a side note.. the coolest thing ever that i discovered is spotify. it's free and has a ton of music. i absolutely love it. i just started using it, but it's definitely cool having all of the music i want to listen to handy in one big database.. it's great to be able to find any band and listen to any song for free. i'm definitely a fan of this program.

well, i best get to bed. i never post this much.. but I guess i had a lot on my mind. i'll end this post with what i'm thankful for ...

i'm thankful for my amazing family, who are ALWAYS there for me..
my friends, who are and always have been better individuals than I will ever be..
my boyfriend, who i love when he's almost perfect and when he's just making me go ughhhhh! lol
my princess, because she is and will always be the bestest friend i could ask for.
and time for bed .. ill finish later on my what im thankful for!
xoxo, ali kate

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

day 8.

still no pop.
unless you count sunday, which i had half of a sprite for an upset stomach.
still avoiding pop and bread.
surprisingly the pop is easier to avoid.
going to have to enjoy thanksgiving lunch though.
it's a must.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

day three.

so i'm very proud of myself .. NO POP for the third day now!! WOOHOO! The biggest difficulty I am having is simply just will power.. trying not to go for the pop because I think it will make me feel better and give me more energy, but honestly..if I drank some now I think it would taste like a ton of sugar. I have been drinking water and sugar free lemonade. I have not been super strict with the diet.. but I have completely cut out bread and 99% of carbs. Between the two, that has to do something? I bought a new scale the other day.. it's a nice digital one. My weight has not really changed, but I guess I am just getting antsy. I need to cook the rest of my food I bought from this week.. I have a lot. I have been so tired though since I started changing my eating.. but I need to pull through. Well, I am going to get ready for bed.. I am pretty tired. Tomorrow I will make me something for lunch, study, go to class and take my test, make dinner, then get ready to spend the evening at the library. Fingers crossed I keep avoiding pop.. I would be super proud of myself! Just a day at a time ... oh and btw, I am SO craving homemade chocolate chip cookies. YUM! Well, I can splurge for thanksgiving :) xoxo

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

day two.

well it's the end of day two of atkins. i am probably not following it to a T like I should but I can say I've not had any pop, which is huge for me! I have always avoided starches- bread, et cetera which is another positive thing. I am probably going to achieve my goal slowly, but I am still trying. I haven't weighed in since my last post. I just bought a digital scale tonight though that will in .2 increments.

The thing is.. I have never struggled with my weight until after I came to college and no I did not do anything about it right away, but I am aware of it and I have made efforts to try to correct it.. but honestly, i don't know if he thinks he is helping or if it's a joke to him, but making comments about my weight is not something that is helpful. It hurts. Part of me wants to scream eff you and the other part just wants to cry. I don't understand how a person who says they love you can sit there and say things to do you like that? I get constructive criticism, but not downright rudeness. I really don't feel like tolerating it.. but what do you do? If I say anything, it makes me look like I'm being whiney.. but If i don't say anything then I am bothered by it.. it's just hard to know what to do. I guess I am just disappointed.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

fresh start. fresh plan.

It's been awhile since I've posted and a lot of things have happened since then, but I just want to start fresh. On Monday, I am starting the Atkins lifestyle. I know many people do not find Atkins to be healthy, but my doctor assures us that it is and even in the long run. With that being said, I am going to use my blog to talk about how I am doing in the weight loss department and just anything and everything. I have high hopes that things will turn out for the better. With that being said, I need to do my measurements and write those down. Currently, I am weighing in at 188.8. My final goal weight is 145 lbs.

Goals

-175lbs
-165lbs
-Fit back into Medium t-shirts
-155lbs
-150lbs
-145lbs
-no muffin top in the jeans!

Here goes nothing ...




Saturday, April 2, 2011

Wow, talk about lack of posting! Not that anyone reads this, lol

Okay, so lack of posting.. no excuse I know but I have had a really rough semester. I am not really into blogging all that much.. at least I haven't really been this semester, not sure why. With that being said, I will write a little update here. Haven't reached the weight goal, or even really tapped into it. I have had a really rough semester and I am just happy I am getting back on track. With a change of medicine and a little bit better sleep schedule, seeing Trevor, going to Florida with mom, and going to counseling weekly/every other.. it's helped tremendously. Sadly though, i haven't been home since February and here it is April. Weird right? It just seems like there is always something every weekend and for a good while I was just honestly too exhausted.

I really feel like things are on the mend in my life. Counseling has honestly done a lot for me, which I never thought I would say. I have only been probably five times, but I really like my counselor. He is great and specializes in trauma. Although I am not going to go into details, my next session we are going to start on learning how to get past what happened and work towards my goal, which is to forgive. It's what I feel is necessary to be able to focus on the next part of my life. I have been learning a lot with each session, mostly about myself. It has been really interesting to learn about myself though. I honestly can say there were a lot of things that I was not aware of that I did and the way I think. Scott, my counselor, would be proud of me I am crying right now, listening to George Strait, and I don't feel bad about it..or ashamed. He tells me that it is sad that I feel that I cannot cry without me being upset from something previously. I am working on that, but it is definitely a struggle for me. He has given me a lot of reading about one's critical self. Next session, he is giving me more reading on how I am going to go through the next process of my counseling, which I am interested to see.

Subject jumping. Macbook pro fell off my lofted bed while I was sleeping.. $380 in damage, thank youuu genuis bar and applecare for a freebie though :) And finally got back in the technology world and got me an iPhone 4, so far I love! I have been syncing it with my laptop and it's so handy, and been making ringtones on Garage Band. It is definitely helpful to have both apple products. I will never go back to having something different that's for sure!

It was great to see Trevor over spring break, but we kind of fought some and I was upset half of the time. I mentioned that during counseling and got some insight on that, which was helpful. We also learned what we both needed to work on, which was helpful. I didn't even want to be upset when I was there, which is really frustrating that I was. Everything is great now though.. I honestly feel like things get better everyday. Trevor is fantastic and I can honestly say that I am in love with him. It's weird sometimes to think that I care so much about a person that I have been apart from majority of the time.. but he is still there for me. He may not always know the right things to say or what to do, but for some reason I just feel ten times better that he tries. I am very thankful. I couldn't ask for someone better. I am already counting down the days until I see him again, almost 42 days actually! Need to work on getting travel arrangements again. I decided to see him in May instead of June so I can spend more time with Mom since she will be off in June and to see Lindsey and Miss Emma play ball. Plus, I am getting super antsy and want to see my boy..especially with things being just better and more stable in my life now.

Okay, I don't know why I am typing still.. I got on a roll I guess, lol. I am going to shower I guess, it's shower night.. ha. then going to come back and watch me some army wives and hop in bed and chillax! Trevor disappeared, so guess not talking to him. He frustrates me greatly sometimes lol.

-Ali Kate

Friday, January 7, 2011

FINALLY starting to feel better!

So I had been sick pretty much for the past week and a half.. and ughh it was horrible. I honestly would have rather been puking and sneezing, coughing etc. than feeling dizzy, lightheaded, like I was going to puke but couldn't, the no appetite part was nice, but otherwise UGHH, I can't tell you the last time I have felt that horrible.

I had been on zoloft for almost 4 years, but I had upped my dose about a year ago and that is when I started to gain all of my weight - about 40 lbs in all. I think the higher dose did a number on my metabolism and I also started sleeping like crazy, so I had done some research and thought okay, why not try something else. I had looked at the Wellbutrin, and my doctor switched me and oh my gosh, worst idea of my life. I loved not having an appetite, but I honestly would rather watch what I eat and work my ass off in the gym then I would feel the way I felt this week. SOOOO not worth it. So, I took some of my old medicine and slept a lot so I think I am finally starting to feel better. Mashed potatoes and noodles tore up my stomach earlier, but oh well.

I am still waiting for BSU to put up their fitness schedule for the spring. I need to buy some passes so I can take classes. I may just buy the 10 pass for now and then get the unlimited later on, not sure. I need to decide because $95 is a lot, but at the same time it is actually a good deal if you go multiple times a week which is what I am planning on doing! I had talked to Trevor about a work out plan and such, and if I remember correctly he said cardio either 5 or 7 days a week for an hour or hour and a half.. I forget the details, I need to ask him again, lol. I am excited to work out actually, especially once I feel almost 100% again, especially with Jillian taking some classes with me as well! :) First week is free week again, so I have some more time to play around with classes. I am not for sure on how many times I can do each fitness class due to my class schedule/work/LAE BUT My plan is to walk 2 miles on the track 7 days a week, do yoga once/twice a week, do all about arms twice a week, do h.a.b.i.t twice a week, and perhaps another class, or may just go work out on the elliptical or something on my own. PLUS, I really need to watch what I eat. I understand that I will completely quit what I am doing if I go cold turkey on stuff, but if I just pay attention to what I am putting into my body and try to reduce it down some then that is going to have to help.

Especially after I am working out in the rec center, I love that i can walk over and go to Quiznos and grab a sammie and some soup and a gatorade/water. I know it isn't super healthy, but it is healthier than a lot of the other junk that is on campus. But, I am also super stoked..I got some awesome new kicks :) They are Nike, which I was kind of concerned about at first, but then decided to give them another try and they are like a dark fuschia with neon lime! I reallly like them, I wanted some color for a change compared to my asics. I hope they are as comfy as my asics, which they cost the same so i would like to hope so! Plus I got a Nike work out shirt on sale and two pairs of stretchy workout capris from TJ Max. I really can't find myself to pay $80 for a pair of workout pants. I guess I don't have a problem with paying that for jeans and such just because I feel like with workout pants I am not going to be easy on them, I am going to be sweating etc. Maybe I will treat myself to a cute outfit once I lose weight. I really need to upload a before picture of me just for myself at future reference. Yeah I have pictures of myself but I want one in like shorts and a tank from a front, back, and side angle so I can compare them later on!

I have the Debbie Slim in 6 Video, I may consider bringing back to school.. but there isn't room in the dorm and unless I go down to the MPR, which I think the disc has to be approved, which is dumb so it would probably be more of a pain than anything to get it setup but we shall see. I made Lindsey a copy of it so we would both have one.

Well, my computer feels like it's going to melt and fly away lol soo I best be stopping writing. Got about 14% battery life left and it's 3:30 am.. Wishing it was a little bit later b/c some orange juice sounds sooo good! Yay for celebrating Emmy/Lindsey/Jasons birthday tonight at the new Los Bravos, especially now that I am feeling better! Boo for having to get my crap together soon and pack and all that fun stuff..and spend money on books, ewww. About $400 this semester, so ridiculous! But I am excited to give Lindsey and Em their presents and get my haircut on Sunday and get my new tire put on my car after it's amazing bodywork it got done :) Anddd since Trevor wanted to know what his christmas was waiting at home, I told him in exchange for telling me.. so I am getting a Necklace from Zales. OOOOO! I feel super duper special.. I have never gotten jewelry before especially not from someone i lovvved, lol. So yes, I am stoked. I can't wait to get that. Otherwise 55 days until I am with the love of my life!!!! Already been through 45 days, so go me :) Ah, I love trevor sooooo much, can't tell you last time I have been this happy.. probably bcause I haven't been!!!! lol Eesh, I am acting immature, whoops!

Okay, better go.. peaaaace, loooove, and weight loss <3

Monday, January 3, 2011

GOALS

Although he does not know it, my motivation is going to be my amazing boyfriend. He may tell me that "I am perfect the way i am" but i honestly wish he would be like your fat lol
Who am I doing this for? Myself. This is the first step to making myself a happier me.
I find weight to be just a number so the hell with this.
I am just shy of 5'8" and am now weighing in at a whopping 189 pounds.
I have gained 49 pounds since January 2010 and that disgusts me.
I want to be able to wear my clothes without having to try on multiple tops to worry about how I look in the mirror. i feel like i have all these nice and pricey clothes in my closet but i don't wear half of them because i don't like the way i look in them.

So with that being said.. I want to put into words what some of my goals are for myself.
Start Weight 189 lbs
Current Weight: 185 lbs
Final Goal Weight: 140 lbs

1st Goal: Lose 10 lbs = 175 lbs
2nd Goal: Lose 15 lbs = 170 lbs
3rd Goal: Lose 20 lbs = 165 lbs BY SPRING BREAK
4th Goal: Lose 25 lbs = 160 lbs
5th Goal: Lose 30 lbs = 155 lbs
6th Goal: Lose 35 lbs = 150 lbs
7th Goal: Lose 40 lbs = 145 lbs
8th Goal: Lose 45 lbs = 140 lbs
Final Goal: MAINTAIN between 140-150 lbs

I will post some pictures for my start weight, etc and post them and then update pictures as I go!

YAY!